TWS picked up another good review!

Aurora Reviews:
http://aurorareviews.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-wrong-sword-book-one-by-tm.html

Check it out!

So- Want a taste of the new book? Sure you do...

It's right here.

Go ahead, CLICK IT!

Where Have I Been?

The Rocket Museum

They Also Do Math

I know, wonder, wonder, wonder. Well, as you may remember, I was spending a bunch of weeks looking at hotels in my fair city and writing them up for NewYork.com. In the process, I relearned about a super cool museum out in Queens, the New York Hall Hall of Science. Not only does the NYHS have gen-yoo-wine, honest-to-goshness ROCKETS (Mercury and Gemini and a chunk of an Apollo) but it also has interactive science exhibits. In fact, they're so cool that one of the earliest, Mathematica, was designed by Charles and Ray Eames, of beautiful chair fame.

And then I was doing some contract work for my alma mater - roar, Lion, roar! - and the day rate was sufficiently high for me to focus on that work to the exclusion of this beloved (but unpaid) blog. But I'm back. And I'm working on Book Two of the Wrong Sword trilogy, Hero's Army.

And I learned enough about Dreamweaver for Windows to know that it is the Devil's work. EVIL!

"It's Easy," I Said...

"...whenever the story starts to drag, just torture your hero."

I was having lunch with a ghostwriter friend of mine, chatting a little about TWS Book 2, Hero's Army. (Which you should totally buy as soon as it's ready. In fact, why wait? Pre-order it now! I promise, in Book Two Henry **SPOILER ALERT**  actually makes it to Constantinople! It just makes things worse, of course.)

Anyway, she asked me how HA was going, and that's when I made my semi-fatuous little genre writer comment.

But as soon as I said it, I knew it wasn't true.

A Shameless Library Plea

You know one of the most important ways for libraries to decide what books to acquire? Patron requests.

You - yes, you! - now have a chance to change your world for the better. The next time you're at your local repository of timeless wisdom, request your favorite e-book of all time...The Wrong Sword!

Memorial Day Blog Hop!

If this is your first time here, then welcome to The Sword That Nagged - which is all The Wrong Sword, its sequels, and the other stories I'm working on. Some of my biggest interests are writing (one would hope) fantasy, science fiction, comedy, history, politics, philosophy, love, death, sex, violence, poetry, wine, the human condition...

I also like contests, by the way. So here's one:
Follow me by clicking on the "Follow" bar on the right, and you'll be entered to win a free e-copy of The Wrong Sword. Check it out:

For a thousand years, Excalibur has been the sword of heroes.

Unfortunately, its new owner isn’t one.

Henry of Sanbruc, medieval smartass, makes a pretty good living selling "magic" swords to gullible knights. When he's forced to steal the real thing from the Chapel Perilous, his troubles are only beginning: For Excalibur is not just the sword of heroes...it’s also the sword that won’t SHUT UP. It communicates with its owner, it knows what kind of owner it deserves, and Henry doesn’t even come close.

To keep Excalibur and the world safe from the appalling Geoffrey Plantagenet, Henry will have to masquerade as a knight, crash a royal wedding, rescue a princess, break a siege, penetrate the secrets of the Perilous Brotherhood, and find Excalibur’s rightful bearer, all while trying to reach an accommodation with a snotty, aristocratic hunk of steel that mocks him, takes over his body, and keeps trying to turn him into the one thing he hates most...a hero.

Pretty sweet, no? You can also friend me on Facebook.

And gang, while you're checking me out, and the other neat authors from my publisher, do remember the troops, past and present. We owe them so much.

Actual Books!

Holy wood pulp, Batman - it looks like there might be actual hold-in-your-hand books forthcoming from my publishers. But here's the catch: They'll be promotional copies. So I have to figure out how many we'll need...

AKA Alhazen

Abū ʿAlī al-Ḥasan ibn al-Ḥasan ibn al-Haytham, ca 965 CE-1040 CE.

One of the great Medieval Islamic scholars, engineers and inventors. By the time The Wrong Sword takes place, he's a hundred years gone, but his work pops up now and again in TWS, Hero's Army, and City of Brass.

In The Wrong Sword, one of the goofier characters makes use of Alhazen's "camera obscura." In case you were wondering, it looks something like this:

The Automatic Shepherd

Somewhere deep in the bowels of The Wrong Sword, dozens and dozens of pages past the Amazon "free sample" point, is my own little salute to steampunk. Except it's pre-steam, and pre-punk. Paleotech! There's the phrase. You heard it here first.

Anyhoo, there's a scene where poor Henry is locked up in a tower with the medieval equivalent of a mad scientist with dozens of goonified inventions, and I'd just like to take this opportunity to say that I didn't make up any of them. Brother Wiglaf the mad monk may not be putting these inventions to the purposes for which they were intended, but they were definitely part of the literature, as it were...even if the literature is about six hundred years too early.

One of those suckers is the Faraday dynamo. A real one looks like this:

But that's so boring! So, I took some liberties...

Get the Word Out!

If you've read The Wrong Sword, review it on Amazon!
If you haven't read The Wrong Sword - well, why the hell not? It's fun!

I know, I know-
I'm just a bottomless sucking vortex of neediness.

But seriously - reviews are GOLD. If you read TWS and like it...YOU HAVE THE POWER.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog post.

Character Interview - Henry the Rat

You want to get to know the protagonist of TWS a little better, don't you? Of course you do! He's so sunny and optimistic!

Q. We're here with Henry the Rat, one of the protagonists of Ted Mendelssohn's The Wrong Sword. So, Henry, why do you think Ted chose you to represent him?

A. Just lazy, I guess. I do the work while he takes the credit. Writers! Oh. You mean, why did he choose me instead of another character?

Q. Um, yes. For instance, why not the Princess Mathilde? We understand she was very eager to do this interview.

A. I’ll bet. She never met an audience she didn’t like.

How Sharper Than a Serpent's Tooth It Is-

-to not be reviewed on Amazon.

You've bought my book. Thank you! I've done my level best to make it an enjoyable morceau of snark and swordplay.

Now, if you agree, and think TWS is the best thing since the rise of Middle English as a literary language (circa 1380) or even three-field crop rotation (circa 800 CE), say so. If you liked it, a review on Amazon, even a short one, will help me boost sales and get things placed for Book Two, Hero's Army.

Have fun storming the castle!

How It Went-

-it went pretty well.
The reading, that is.

We held it at the Way Station, a great nerd bar in Prospect Heights.There was a nice mix of friends, relatives, and prosperous strangers who looked like Kindle owners.

That's the bathroom in the back. Yes, it IS bigger on the inside.

Brad and Cam, the organizers of my writers group, handled the whole thing. We had TWS t-shirts, and postcards with the cover art, synopsis, and Amazon link on them. And so, after a  cocktail that tasted a little like licorice and little like strychnine, I was up onstage with a mic in my face and the first four chapters in my hand. I went for about half an hour. I said hello to everyone I knew, told everyone to tip their waitress, recommended the chicken...

And I got at least one musician to buy the book right there. Hey, if you can sell fantasy to a lead guitar, you're doing okay, I think. Someone else told me I should record the audiobook myself. And the next day I definitely saw a little bump in sales.

Now, if a few of you lovely folks could leave some reviews on Amazon, I would be a happy man...

First Sale!

Ka-CHING!

First day, first sale.

TWS Is a Featured Book at Musa Publishing!

There it is.
Sweet!

It's Out on Amazon!

There it is.
Doesn't it look great?

Buy that sucker.

A Word on Pseudonyms

Okay, gang-

As some of you already know, I am a "Ted," but my legal name is not Mendelssohn. Why then, you may ask, am I not using my family name? Am I ashamed? Of course not.

Here's why:

1. My family name is longer and filled with consonants. More than once, in fact, I've twigged a telemarketer by the way they mispronounced it. So I'm using my dad's dad's. He won't mind.

2. In addition to my efforts to entertain you with Henry's adventures, I'm also a copywriter and (occasionally) a writer in other venues that are much, much different from TWS. So I kind of want to brand this puppy. When you see the Mendelssohn name, you'll know what you're getting-

Lots of fun! That's what you'll be getting!

Yee-haw!

The Galleys Are Locked

In civilian terms, the book has been assembled and is ready for sale.
This has gotten real, y'all.

Patting Myself on the Back

Where I Read - The Way Station, Brooklyn

So I did a little preliminary reading of the first three chapters of TWS.
Folks were laughing. Seriously laughing.
Afterwards, one of the audience members - a cute audience member - told me that I had a really polished delivery.

So, just so you know - if I come to your town to do a reading, you'll have a good time...if you like readings, anyway.

And there it is.

I Think I'm Going to Tear Up

My writers group is throwing me a release party at the Way Station in Brooklyn (683 Washington Ave Prospect Heights, Brooklyn 11238) on April 19th. Those guys!

Come on down, gang. Clarere, audere, gaudere!